


The handprint

by Cataline_Lucifer



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Action, Angst, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Cutting, Dark Lance (Voltron), Depressed Lance (Voltron), Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Fist Fights, Gen, Hurt Lance (Voltron), Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Keith doesnt mean to be a dick, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance (Voltron)-centric, Langst, Mental Health Issues, Nightmares, References to Depression, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Swearing, Threats of Violence, Torture, Violence, implied klance, klangst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2019-07-17 13:53:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16096979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cataline_Lucifer/pseuds/Cataline_Lucifer
Summary: Voltron is called to investigate a mysterious abandoned research lab. But what seems to be a simple mission suddenly gets a whole lot more complicated when Lance gets attacked. Then as things start getting darker the team's moral and strength is tested as one by one they start to fall apart.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is set in the early stages of Voltron like mid to end of season 2. This is a working progress and my first time writing something angsty so wish me luck.

Alarms ripped through the castle making Lance throw his body out of bed in shock. Peeling his face off his bedroom floor, Lance leapt up and scrabbled around the room for his armour. He knew that he should have put it away properly when he threw it down last night, but he was too damn tired to care then. Quiznak, I really am the worst. He scalded under his breath.

Slowly but surely Lance tracked down each piece and threw it on but there was one piece missing. Cursing under his breath, Lance put a hand around his left forearm and let out a sigh. He couldn’t be late again, not like last time. Just leave it. They would already rip into me for being late. What’s one more thing? Rolling his eyes, Lance grabbed his helmet off the nightstand and darted out of the door.

“Late again Lance.” Allura raised an eyebrow in disappointment, “Where is your Vambrace?”

Lance stopped in his tracks, “My what?”

“Your arm thing.” Pidge said without even looking up from the terminal.

“Oh, yeah… well fun story about that. I couldn’t find it.” Lance rubbed the back of his head self-consciously.

“Why are we wasting time with this?” Keith shouted over the other boy.

Shiro let out a loud sigh, “Alright, I guess we don’t have time to find it. Let’s just get going.”

“Wait what are we doing again?” Lance asked carefully.

“Well if you were here Lance you would know.” Pidge said a little more bluntly than she meant to.

“Basically, space base went pop and we gotta investigate.” Hunk explained.

Lance shot Hunk a thankful look as Shiro started briefing the team on the plan.

“So, as I said earlier, this base is located in an asteroid belt which would be impossible to navigate in the castle, so we’ll go in with the lions quickly and quietly…”

Lance zoned out as Keith took over and explained the details of the plan. Tapping his foot absentmindedly on the floor, Lance stared past the other paladins to the bridge window. The beauty of space was never something he could get used to. Every colour, every shape and swirl told of some unknown, something new and exciting that he had never seen before. It was impossible not to feel small and insignificant when staring out at something so unfathomably large.

“Alright. Let’s go.” Shiro’s voice cut through Lances daydream as he prompted them to all get to their lions as quickly as possible.

Letting out a breath of anticipation, Lance’s fingers hovered above the control sticks of the blue lion. It was always the same feeling before they went on a mission, the sense of unrelenting dread that something might go wrong coupled with anticipation of battle. Blue let out a quiet beep as the co-ordinates were received and she shot out of the hanger. 

Once again, he was a little behind the other lions with Shiro and Keith taking up the front and pidge and hunk a good distance in front of him. Letting out a loud sigh, Lance pushed forward the thruster so that he could catch up just as the reached the edge of the asteroid field. It was a straight on collision that while doing no damage to Blue herself, self the rock spiralling towards the green lion. 

Keith shot in front of green and blasted a hole in the asteroid, so that it missed the two lions when it collided.

“What the hell Lance?” Pidge yelled over the comms.

“I’m so sorry pidge!” Lance squeaked in shame.

“Yeah what the hell Lance? Who taught you to fly? A blind old lady from the Grallian Cluster?” Keith spat back.

Lance didn’t actually know anything about the Grallian Cluster but nether the less, it didn’t make it hurt less. 

“Look I said I was sorry okay? It was an accident.”

“You weren’t good enough to be a pilot until I dropped out and they had to fill a space.” Keith muttered under his breath.

“I’m sorry I don’t understand moody mutterings, speak up mullet!” Lance shouted back at the comms.

He was willing to take a scalding from Allura or Shiro or Coran, on this occasion even Pidge had the right but not Keith. Keith never had the right to criticise him but every slip up Lance made Keith seemed to be right there to rub his face in it.

“Alright,” Shiro’s voice boomed over the comms even though he didn’t even shout, “Everyone is fine so let’s move on already.”

And just like that the conversation was left to stew. Just another unresolved situation to add to the pile of unsettled arguments that Lance would stew over late at night. Pressing his lips together, Lance fell back behind the other lions and sulked in his chair. Soon enough the friendly banter had picked up again but just to spite them Lance turned the comms right down, so he could barely hear them.

“Why do I keep messing up like this Blue?” Lance groaned, “It’s like the universe just likes watching me fail and embarrass myself over and over again.”

A gentle warmth flooded through Lances body which almost reminded him of when a purring cat rubbed itself against your body. He patted the dashboard of the lion affectionately.

“Yeah I know girl, I’m trying really hard to do what is right and that counts for something.”

The spite rose in Lance. Whoops, sorry I forgot we only praise perfect soldiers. Not kids who were whipped of their planet with no warning and forced to fight n a war that has nothing to do with them. Forced? Lance raised an eyebrow at himself. Sure, it was their duty or whatever but forced?

Don’t question it. Do good soldiers question their orders? Does Keith question orders. No, he succeeds without fail every stupid bloody time. Lances mind took him back to the Garrison where all he heard was Keith this, Keith that, be more like Keith. Slamming his hand down on the dashboard, Lance winced. 

“Sorry girl I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

“We are approaching the ship now so get ready.” Shiro was suddenly loud again like Blue knew it was important for Lance to hear.

“Aye aye captain,” Lance said sarcastically.

It wasn’t like he meant to be annoying or mouthy but when he was the only one to get scolded for a two-way argument it really pissed him off. Trying to swallow his irritation, Lance navigated Blue into the main hanger of the research lab and pulled down his visor. As soon as he opened the maw of the blue lion he floated up into the air and was suddenly thankful for the suits ability to stick him to the floor. There was probably some really scientific reason and workings behind it but there was no way he’d ask Pidge or Hunk to explain and make himself seem more stupid than he already appeared. He probably wouldn’t get it even if they did explain. 

Shaking the negativity from his head, Lance met the other Paladins at the air lock. Pidge knelt on the ground fiddling with control panel.

“I don’t want to sound off or anything, but I don’t really get why we’re investigating this. I mean don’t space stations have accidents all the time?” Lance asked, genuinely curious.

“Yes, but if you were actually paying attention you would have hear that this wasn’t just any station. It was a top-secret research base working on god knows what.” Lance couldn’t see Keith’s face, but he could feel him rolling his eyes.

“Well Mullet, some of us are visual learners and can’t focus when some emo guy drains on at them for hours. I mean how do you expect me to pay attention to you with that hair” Lance said with a little smirk.

“There is nothing wrong with my hair! Why do you keep brining it up!” Keith shouted.

“Don’t get offended then if you like it so much” Lance shot back.

Letting out a patient breath, Shiro placed a hand on Keith’s shoulder, “How about we split up to cover more ground. Keep your comms on and stay vigilant.”

As Lance didn’t have a complete suit, his armour would seal if there was another explosion and he was tossed out into space, so he was assigned to the service corridor which was fully sealed in case of something like this happened. It also happened to be the furthest away from anything remotely interesting.

Trudging down the dim corridor, Lance couldn’t help but think it was like some cheesy horror movies that had to rely of dark lighting to cover up the bad special effects. It was a little unnerving to be in a place like that in real life however, Lance couldn’t deny to himself he was feeling a little creeped out. What could be creepier than an abandoned research lab where all the staff mysteriously vanished, and no one knows what they were working on? He was starting to get Resident Evil vibes. Squaring his shoulders, Lance shook the thoughts of horror movie troupes from his head and tried to focus on the task at hand, continuing through the ominous silence.

Coming up to a door on his left, Lance poked his head around the door frame a little but the room beyond was in total darkness. Switching on the torch on his helmet, he ducked back around for another look. There was nothing to not but knocked over shelves and a few supplies. Biting the inside of his lip, he decided he didn’t need to investigate any further into the room and slid past it trying not to look into the beckoning darkness that seemed to ooze from the doorway.

Come one now, you’re a paladin of Voltron since when did a little bit of darkness bother you? Lance couldn’t help the feeling of dread creep over him as the sound of his boots clicking on the metal floor echoed down the corridor. The silence unnerved him, it made him feel uneasy that the only noises Lance could hear came from his foot falls.

Eventually Lance came to a set of stairs disappearing down into darkness. Placing a tentative foot on the top step, Lance cringed as he tried not to look too hard at the black abyss in front of him. He wasn’t afraid of the dark, on the contrary, he quite liked being along on a dark night when no one else is around but this was completely different. He wasn’t scared of the dark, no, it’s was what could be in it he was freaking out over. 

Closing his eyes, Lance jumped off the top step, landing strongly in the room below, Bayard up ready to blast a hole in whatever monster lurked there. There wasn’t anything there. Lance rolled his eyes, thankful for a moment that none of the rest of the team were there to watch him make a fool of himself over a little darkness.

But weren’t teams supposed to support each other, not rip you apart for every little thing. Lance clicked his tongue and tried to ignore the thoughts that threatened to flood his head. I shouldn’t think like that, I’m just too sensitive. It’s just friendly banter to relieve the tension, its not serious. Lance gritted his teeth, he knew he was only trying to convince himself.

Suddenly the corridor he was in opened up into a larger room the small torch on his helmet barely lit up a pool by his feet so most of it was left in partial darkness. As he walked along the edge of the room he noticed it was lined with large broken vials stored in rows along the wall. Switching on his jetpack, Lance flew up to get a closer look. There was a pool of yellow liquid pooled in the bottom of the broken glass. Lance poked his gloved finger in the liquid. It was weirdly tingly even through the glove and seemed to sparkle slightly.

Flicking the yellow liquid off his finger, Lance raised an eyebrow in confusion. He vaguely remembered Keith saying something about finding vials of yellow liquid that was some form of quintessence, he never really got the details.

Just another reason no one respects you. If you ever bothered to listen or tried a little harder to understand then maybe the rest of the team would respect you a little more.

Lance shook his head a little harder than before, he had no idea where all these dark intrusive thoughts were coming from. Maybe walking around in the dark was starting to get to him.

“Oh really? You can’t expect anyone to believe that. Can you?” it was his own voice speaking back at himself, “you are just so weak and insecure. Why would anyone value you when you don’t even value yourself?”

“Who’s there?” Lance shouted out into the darkness.

The darkness stared back at Lance with unwavering certainty that it wasn’t going to give up what it hid. 

Maybe its just in my head… Lance really hoped that wasn’t the case, it sounded a little too crazy even for him.

“Going crazy huh, that’s just one more reason for the rest of the team to leave.”

“Yeah whatever you say darkness that seems to talk.” Lance snorted in false confidence.

One of the Glaran Druids suddenly stood in front of Lance but before he could let off a shot, it had teleported next to him. It reached out and grabbed Lances exposed wrist where he had the armour missing, pressing its fingers into his skin tightly. Lance tried to wriggle away but he could feel the Druids hand suddenly heat up and burn into his skin. Letting out a scream of pain, Lance tried to line up his Bayard, but the Druid was gone. Disappeared once more into the darkness.

Letting out a sigh of relief, Lance felt his knees go weak and he dropped to the floor. The Druids hand had melted through the black underlay that sat under his armour like it wasn’t even there but the burn itself looked weird, it wasn’t red and angry like he had expected. Just a little pink, almost purple and seemed to sparkle a little in the light. Now it didn’t even hurt.

Lance’s inspection of the wound was cut short by Coran’s voice coming over the comms.

“Is everything alright Paladins?” he asked.

One by one they all signalled that they were indeed still alive, but Lance could barely hear them over the rising static. Ripping his helmet off, Lance pressed his hands to his ears trying to stop the unrelenting noise, but it just grew and grew louder and louder until Lance let out a shout of pain.

“Lance? Lance!” Hunks voice cut through the static as it echoed out from his helmet.

“Oh yeah, sorry guys, I’m okay. Though I think I just got-”

Coran’s voice cut him off, “I’m sorry m’boy but our sensors have just picked up a huge asteroid heading towards you. With no defences the base will crumple.”

“Alright team, get to your lions. Now!” Shiro’s voice prompted them into action.

Each of the Paladins began the long sprint to their lions. Lance jumped up the steps taking two or three at time and past the dark room. He didn’t dare slow down because although there was that real threat of the asteroid smashing the place to bits, there was also the remorseless tide of darkness that seemed to chase at Lances tail. If it was real or just a left-over paranoia from childhood, Lance really wasn’t going to slow down to find out. Then suddenly he was back in the hanger and up inside the maw of his lion.

“Is everyone ready?” Shiro asked over the comms.

“We’re all back, let’s go!” Keith said as he blasted the hanger door out of the way and threw red through the hole.

It was just in time too. They were just out of range when te asteroid Coran had pointed out collided with the research lab, causing ricocheting rocks to fly in every direction.

“Sorry Lance what were you saying?” Coran asked, prompting the boy to carry on.

“He probably just got scared of the dark,” Keith sneered, “Or let me guess you fell over and shot your own head off with your terrible aim.”

“Shame you haven’t fallen on your sword, maybe it would cut your arsehole down to size.”

“That doesn’t even make sense!”

“Stow it, Paladins!” Shiro shouted, cutting them both off, “Just can it until we get back to the castle and you two can get a room to hash it out in far, far away from me.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally am just making this up as I go but having a great time writing it. Fight scenes are my favourite. So anyway, Big old time skip here because I cant be bothered to write a whole rescue mission and it doesn't really matter anyway. Use the imagination my lovelies.

It was four days since the team had investigated that research lab and between then they were lucky to get one night’s worth of sleep in all that time. As soon as they landed back at the castle they received a distress beacon. Some princess from some distant planet called Slyvica was taken and between tracking her down, fighting their way through Glaran ships again and again until they finally got her back.

Lance rocked back in his chair watching the Allura work her magic trying to get the planet to join the alliance. It wasn’t too hard by the sounds of it, but as they found out the hard way, these people loved the small print. Its was amazing how people could talk and talk and haggle over all the tiny details where most would just go yep save us please. His eyes stung and there was no energy left in him to participate constructively. Even if I did id probably get told off for it later, best just keep my mouth shut. 

The whole planet was a little weird, if Lance was being totally honest. Each of the huge trees that covered the planets surface housed one of the huge extensive families only really intermingling for politics or marriage. Family crests were shown as distinctive markings of coloured scales around each of the Slyvicans neck. Or so the species profile said all of the politicians had their necks covered by a high collar. Maybe it was for anonymity? Lance pondered briefly.

After what seemed like hours the meeting was finally over, and they were ushered into another room for a celebration ceremony and banquet. Sitting down to dinner, Lance was squished between some massive gelatinous creature that almost sat on his arm and a tiny fish like man. Literally, imagine a fish with the face and legs of a hairy man. Weird. Across the table Lance could hear Pidge snickering to herself as she looked over to where Lance was sat.

Raising his middle finger at her, he smirked back and watched while everyone made chatted away to each other. Even Keith was chatting happily to Shiro instead of sulking in some corner somewhere, not that he was ever alone mind you. Shiro always made sure to get Keith involved. Letting out a loud sigh, Lance sunk back in his chair again. He was tired and bored and the last thing he really wanted to do was sit through hours of careful political chatting and get scalded at the end of the night for being rude in some way. He couldn’t even be bothered to flirt with any of the locals. It wasn’t like they were ugly or anything. They just oozed righteousness and moral superiority and it kinda made Lance feel uncomfortable.

Suddenly the food was brought out by rows and rows of waiters in bubbled purple jumpsuits. The food looked delicious on first glance but o a closer look it was all bugs and strange jelly. Feeling his stomach turn from the sight, Lance politely excused himself and bolted. It was always the case, one would have thought the years of eating Cuban food would have toughened his stomach up to handle anything but if anything, it just made him feel more lost. Strange food that looked nothing like you’d see on earth when he could be at home eating his mum’s paella.

Trying to supress the bout of homesickness rising in his stomach, Lance started to run. Down the twisting wooden steps and along the wobbling walkways until he reached the forest floor. In some cases, the leaves that crunched under foot were nearly as big as he was but still, the familiar crackle of autumn was a reassuring sound. Eventually Lance reached the clearing that the lions and the castle had landed in and noticed for the first time a huge pool of water glistening behind it. 

Slowly a smile crept onto Lances face as he peered across the twilight surface, smooth as any mirror as it reflected the three moons like perfect orbs. It was like peering through glass, although the depth was impossible to see, Lance could see every purple pebble as it glistened in the pale moonlight. Slipping off his boots, Lance stood right on the waters edge sending little ripple cutting across through his reflection staring back at him. 

It was mesmerising. Lance had always loved water, it didn’t matter to him if it was the ocean or a lake or a swimming pool. In that moment the weightlessness and the smooth resistance was all you could feel as the water cradled your body. Why the hell not. Lance quickly pulled off the rest of his armour and the black body suit he wore underneath it until he stood just in his boxers. A warm breeze ruffled through his hair as Lance waded into the lake until the water touched his thigh. Then in one smooth motion, he dived in.

Moving with organic fluidity and perfect precision, Lance swam out into the lake relishing the feeling of the cool water moving across his skin. Then once he reached the centre, he lay on his back and just gazed up into the stars. It was strange because although the stars seemed the same as they always did there was something a little off about them. He knew what it was, another solar system means different stars but if you didn’t look too close he could almost pretend he was back on earth staring up the gently speckled sky. Almost.

An hour of swimming around aimlessly later, Lance eventually came back to the shore line. The air had cooled dramatically and now the gentle breeze cut though him and made his hair stand on end. Seeing his paladin gear sitting on the ground just were he had left it, Lance gathered it up and threw it over one shoulder. There was no pint trying to put it back on while wet and there was no one around anyway.

Well that’s what he thought.

“Where were you?” Keith’s voice cut through the quiet serenity.

Lance froze in place for a moment, holding the armour and black skin so it hung awkwardly covering most of him. A sleeve over the burn on his wrist and the rest gathered over his thighs. It was precarious but Lance was used to covering up now.

“Hello to you too Keith.” Lance rolled his eyes, so much for a moment of peace.

“The king wanted to give all the paladins of Voltron gifts and it was really awkward when everyone realised the blue had disappeared. Do you know how rude that is in their culture?” 

So, it took them that long to realise I wasn’t there. Lance thought to himself a little bitterly, though he was kind of glad he got that moment to himself.

“Yeah so anyway here’s your present.”

Keith threw a large nut shell at Lance, but he just let it bounce off his shoulder, not daring to move the armour from where he held it in perfect position.

“Why are you being weird?” Keith narrowed his eyebrows in suspicion.

“I’m not being weird. I’m cold and practically naked. You’re being weird.” Lance shot back.

Keith muttered a “Yeah whatever,” and turned away, thoughts of doubt creeping into the fringes of his thought. Not worry exactly, not yet. Just the inkling that there was something more that he wasn’t seeing. It wasn’t in Keith’s nature to pry too much anyway.

Letting out a sight of relief, Lance grabbed the nut shell and sprinted to the blue lion. Her maw was open before he even got close as if she knew. Lance wasted no time thinking about it but dashed straight to his stash of spare clothes on the sleeping quarters. Pulling out a baggy pair of sweatpants, Lance quickly pulled them on. Plastering a grin onto his face, Lance set out to the castle of lions knowing that a rollicking was probably about to happen. 

Lance walked into the castle surprised to hear nothing but silence. It wasn’t the usual silence, the gentle lapse in noise as the quiet sound of things running melded into the background; more like the eerie silence you get late at night and you are all alone. Lances heart quickened slightly as worry set in. Maybe Keith went back to the party… Lance rationalised. Yeah, he must have done. There was still a degree of uneasiness at the back of his mind. 

As it turned out, Lances uneasiness was totally justified because as he rounded the corner to go into the kitchen a figure wearing a sleek white mask with black slits for eyes and black tactical armour dived over the counter, blade in hand.

“Shit.”

Lance spun on his heel and threw himself out of the room, racing down the corridor. Whoever this person was, they just radiated cold merciless death and without his armour or his Bayard there was nothing Lance could do to fight back. A knife thumped into the wall missing his head by seconds as Lance flinched away, highly aware of the marked figure gaining on him. 

“Keith!” Lance screamed as loud as he could manage while running at full pelt, “Keith!”

There was no one else there to save him this time.

Wracking his brain for ideas, Lance felt the panic flood over his and in some ways, it was a good thing, panic makes people move faster. Lance let himself be thankful for a second that in school he was always forced to do cross country because he was tall and lanky. 

He had no idea where he was actually going. He couldn’t run for ever and the burn was fast setting in. Breath dragged its way down his throat as he gasped for oxygen and his vision narrowed. Rounding the corner, Lance felt himself skid. The training deck was just up ahead, if he could get the training drone or the invisible walls up there was a chance that would buy him a second, but he wasn’t betting on it saving him.

Bursting out into the white and black room, Lance shouted for the training sequence to start up and a low-level drone burst up from the floor still set from the last time Lance had used it. Leaping over the drone’s swipe at him, Lance ducked behind it as the masked assailant quickly skidded into the room. 

The figure took one look at the drone running towards them and pulled a small metal bead from one of the many pockets it had and threw it at the drone. A small fizz of electricity and a puff of smoke and the drone clattered to the floor in pieces. At least I have a weapon now, Lance thought as he dived forward to grab the discarded sword dropped by the drone. It couldn’t have been a blaster could it.

Holding the sword felt weird, he had never really used one before and now he was really regretting it. Lance slashed through the air between them with a novice like apprehension before charging at the figure. Somehow the blade was ripped from Lances grip before he hit anything, and a searing pain spiked up his left side. 

Putting a hand to his torso, Lance felt the familiar feeling of warm sticky blood wetting his hand. Jokes on you I do this to myself for fun sometimes. He thought with a twisted smile. Something changed with the smell of blood. Suddenly Lance felt a fury take over him and the fear was gone. Try to fucking kill me, I dare you.

Clenching his fists tightly, Lance raised his arms in a fighting stance. The masked figure swung its blade at Lance but instead of dodging it he grabbed it with his hands. Ignoring the cold metal digging into the skin of his hands, Lance ripped the blade away and lashed out a knee aimed straight at the figures stomach. They sidestepped easily and pushed Lances back making him over balance and nearly fall. Looking back Lance narrowed his eyes, they weren’t quite as good as they thought they were. He could use that arrogance.

Lance threw his body weight behind the fist that edged closer to the figures face. It grazed past their ear as hey flinched away from it, grabbing his head as he twisted, slamming it into their knee. There was a blunt crack and a stream of crimson streaked from Lances nose. He wiped his nose and looked at the blood in first confusion then in a savage rage.

Lance ran at the figure, dodging their fist and came up with his own; for a brief instant, Lance could feel the figure hesitate with shock before they managed to tilt thier head back and slam it into his. Stars burst in Lances vision, but he shook it off, blindly throwing a sloppy kick, its speed hindered by the exhaustion setting in from the running. The figure stepped back, easily evading it.

Then Lances fist found its mark, it slammed into the figures face while theirs sunk into his stomach. Blood pooled in his mouth as Lance gagged and they stumbled away from each other. Spitting blood onto the floor, Lance wiped his mouth on the back of his hand as the figure staggered away slightly and took a smaller knife from holster on its leg.

There was a moment of hesitation as Lance tried to read the figure but with the mask on it was impossible to see any eyes let along get a read on them. Taking a wild swipe at Lance, the figure dived closer, but it was sloppy. As exhausted as he was, Lance could tell whoever it was attacking him was feeling the same and that him a little boost of confidence.

But then the confidence failed. The figure dived at Lance again, but this time hit its mark tearing long gashes in Lances skin but at this point he was too high on adrenalin to feel it. They stayed like that for a few moments, Lance blocking the masked attacker’s knife while returning with his own opportunistic blows.

Lances arms were getting sluggish and he knew he’d have to end this quickly because he couldn’t go on much longer. Blood loos and exhaustion were acting quickly on his body and there and there was no way of telling how much damage he had returned. Brushing his sweaty fringe out of his face, Lance barrelled forwards rugby tackling his attacker. Letting out a hiss of pain, Lance felt the knife burry itself in his shoulder as they fell to the floor, but he took it as an opportunity.

Letting out a scream, Lance pulled the blade from his skin trying not to look at the blood that splattered out onto the white floor and held it tight in his hand. The figure tried to throw Lance off, but he held on and held on until the attacker threw him off. Suddenly they were on top, hands wrapped around Lances throat. Lance gagged and gasped and clawed at the attacker, but he was all but pinned down. 

Feeling the knife brush against his fingers, Lance grabbed onto it and squeezed his eyes closed. Knuckles going white, Lance brought the blade up, sinking it into the attacker’s side. He could feel it move though everything, skin, fat and muscle but it didn’t matter. Again, and again and again until the pressure ceased from around his neck and his hands were sticky with blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any guesses as to what Lance was trying to hide. Tbh I was kinda channelling myself when I wrote Lances fuck you in the fight scene XD. It's literally my favourite line of all time


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is only a little one but there is a lot going on.

It was late when the rest of the paladins finally got away from the celebration and made their way back to the castle. Pidge had drunk a little too much of their alien wine and was now slumped over Shiro’s shoulder snoring gently as they trudged through the forest. 

There was something inherently wrong about the atmosphere inside, it was too empty, too quiet like something w as holding its breath. Hunk shouted for Lance, expecting the bouncy blue paladin to come rounding the corner like a puppy when you got home from work but there was no response. 

“Its fine Hunk, he’s probably gone to bed. Speaking of which,” Shiro struggled to supress a yawn, “I really should follow suit.”

Hunk wore an uneasy smile but trusted Shiro’s judgement, he was really tired too and he couldn’t think of anything nicer than having a long night’s sleep. But it still didn’t feel right to go to sleep without checking on Lance first. Walking down the corridor towards the sleeping quarters Hunk passed the Kitchen noticing that everything on the counter had been thrown about the room and knocked over. Raising an annoyed eyebrow, Hunk rolled his eyes. He hated it when people messed up his space, but it wasn’t unusual. What was unusual was the blade embedded in the wall opposite the doorway.

“Um, guys?” He shouted, “You need to see this!”

Seconds later all the inhabitants stood in the hall inspecting the knife.

“What the hell is that?” Pidge, miraculously recovered, stared at Keith in accusation.

“Hey it wasn’t me!” Keith crossed his arms defensively.

“Where is Lance?” Hunk suddenly felt a wave of panic wash over him.

They all set out sprinting along the corridors shouting the blue paladins name as Allura rushed to the bridge to look over the security feed.

“It’s not clear, I think something is interfering with the internal security measures, but I can just make out someone in the training room. Make that two people.” Allura’s voice crackled over the comms.

Keith was the one who got there first. He was shocked at the panic that surged through him at the thought of Lance getting hurt. Its what happens in a team, right? He didn’t have time to dwell on the dynamics, he just knew that if he didn’t he might just be rushing to save a corpse. The smell of blood seemed to ooze through the air making it feel thick and sticky making Keith freeze in shock.

Hunk and Pidge got there next, barrelling into Keith as he blocked the door but then understood why he was so still. Wrapping a hand over his mouth, Hunk felt the nausea rise in his throat as warm sick flew from his mouth. Some went of Pidges shoes, but she was distracted, hands cupping her face in shock.

“What are you standing around for?” Shiro snapped them all out of their trance as he pushed through into the training room.

He froze too. 

Lance sat with his back to the door in a pool of blood, his body trembling violently as his chest heaved. His hands were held out in front of him as tacky red dripped down his face, he felt it drip from his hand onto his thighs. But Lance didn’t react. His eyes had frozen over like the surface of a winter puddle, robbing them of their usual warmth as stared vacantly at the body in front of him.

“Lance…” Shiro said quietly. He was almost scared, every inch of his body told him to get out of there, “What have you done?”

It was more of a statement than a question. Blinking furiously, Lance looked down at his lap squeezing his fists tightly. Regaining his composure, a little, Hunk rushed forwards, leaving Keith flailing after him. He ran to this friend’s side and placed a cautious hand on Lances shoulder. Lance flinched away from Hunk’s touch and swung wildly with a knife that seemed to materialise in his hand. 

Letting out a shriek of pain, Hunk staggered back clutching his upper arm as blood began to ooze out from between his fingers. Something changed in Lance’s eyes, instead of glassy and empty they were suddenly wide and wild. He let out a weird breathy laugh though his teeth.

“You cut me!” He said in disbelief.

“Hunk, I’m-” he stood, the blade of the knife glinting threateningly in the harsh lighting.

Grabbing Lances arm, Shiro quickly disarmed the boy by twisting it up against his back. 

“Let him go Shiro.” 

As soon as Lance hit the floor, Hunk was there wrapping the other boy in a tight bear hug.

“I’m so sorry Hunk.” Tears began to collect in Lances eyes as his body shook against Hunks.

“It’s okay.”


	4. Chapter 4

Lance was placed in a healing pod. It took a little while for anyone to even notice the gapping holes in his t-shirt as Lance lead away from the body in the training room and taken to the medical bay to be looked over by Coran. He didn’t speak, instead he just stared vacantly with a dead panned expression and it was clear to everyone that he was exhausted, too exhausted to deal with the whole situation. 

It wasn’t until Coran got the boy to sit up on the medical bay table and cut his top off that he realised the severity of his wounds. It was shocking to say the least. This was no exception. By the way Lance reacted it seemed like he only had minor cuts but when Coran cut his t shirt away he almost threw up. Coran didn’t have a weak stomach by any means, the discomfort generally came from the concern for the person involved.

There were a few long lacerations on Lances torso: two along his left side so deep bubbles of fat poked out of the wound, three shallower ones on his back and a long one across his chest. As Lance breathed you could see the bone of his bottom two ribs, it looked like there was a piece missing from the bottom one. The rest of the wounds on Lances arms and hands from the knife fight seemed insignificant compared to that. Every inch of Lances body seemed red from the blood or black and blue from the violent bruising that had started to come up, so Coran didn’t notice the purple handprint wrapping its way around his wrist. He needed a healing pod and fast. 

After taking care of Lance, Keith and Shiro walked back to the training room in silence. Both of them were at a loss and completely shaken up. Not by the body, you end up seeing a lot of death in war, but by Lances reaction. They saw the damage done to both parties and it was clear it had been a brutal fight. They just hoped that this death hadn’t left too much of a mark on the blue paladin, or on Hunk for that matter. He had disappeared quite quickly after Lance had gone under.

“What are we going to do with that?” Keith asked, poking the body with his foot.

“I guess we have to search it and do run its biometrics.” Shiro shrugged. It was so much easier to fight out in space, there was less clear up there.

Shiro pulled out a tube and squeezed some of the clear blue liquid onto his hands and spread it around evenly until it dried making a set of gloves. Coran had told them that the material was specially designed to not leave any indentation that could harm the ‘crime scene’. Carefully, Shiro wrapped his hands under the body’s shoulders while Keith grabbed its legs. Together the hauled the body into another one of the unused medical bays and laid it out on the table. After Pidge took some samples, the training room would clean itself so there was no need to clean up the blood. 

Carefully prising the mask off, Shiro peered at the face underneath it and gasped in surprise. There was no face there. All the features looked like they had been prised off or sunken in. the only texture on it was the dried blood from a cut on its forehead. Bursting through the door pidge stopped in her tracks as she laid eyes on the body and its lack of face. 

“Uh yeah I was about to say about that.” Pidge clicked her tongue “All I’ve found out is that they are a native of this planet but there is something laced through its DNA which nothing has managed to decipher yet.”

“Good work Pidge.” Shiro ran a tied hand through his hair, he was always so tired now. “I’ll get Allura to set up a meeting with the king but in the mean time we need to know more. Me and Keith will search the body while you keep working on that. Get Hunk to give you a hand.”

“Uh, yeah about that. He still hasn’t come out of his room. You know he is nervous at the best of times but with this whole situation he’s totally freaked.”

“Noted, I’ll check on him once we have finished here.” Shiro felt always felt bad about putting the mission above making time for people sometimes but he can only do so many things at once. 

Shiro tuned back to where Keith stood waiting for guidance as to where to start. 

“Are you alright here while I talk to Allura? I’ll send Coran over to give you a hand on my way.”

Keith nodded and watched as Shiro left. Great, he thought miserably, morgue duty. He wasn’t about to say no to Shiro though, not a chance.

Coran poked his head through the door with an unusual restraint, clearly the whole ordeal had shaken him up a little too. Not that Keith could blame him, they all felt a mixture of angry, confused and guilty.

They stripped the body of its clothes leaving it’s tight under suit, it felt weird going any further with that and there wasn’t much room to hide anything in it anyway. Keith tried not to look at the holes on the material and the bubbling black clots that were still oozing from them.

Next the coat. Every pocket was filled with something, it was almost impressive how prepared this person was. Coran laid out every item in lines on the medical trolley each grouped by pocket and labelled. Then the trousers. In the left pocket there was a little vile of green liquid.

“Hey Coran? What is this?” Keith held up the vile watching as it sparkled in the artificial light.

“That, number four, is a vile of green liquid.” Coran said with a smile.

“Yes, I can see that.” Keith rolled his eyes and tucked it into his pocket, “I’m going to take it to Pidge.”

“No need my boy, I was only messing with you. It looks like a toxin made in the Klaxian quadrant. I met the man who made it actually he-”

Keith was already out the door and on his way to give the vial to Pidge. That was until he saw Hunk creep out of his room and quietly close the door behind him. It looked suspicious. 

“Why are you sneaking?” Keith said abruptly.

Hunk nearly jumped out of his skin, “Wha- I’n not sneaking, how… you’re sneaking.”

Keith rolled his eyes and let out an audible sigh.

“Alright whatever, you’re going to find Pidge, right? Give her this for me.”

Keith handed over the green vial before spinning on his heel and going back to the training room.

***

Shiro and Allura waited patiently as the King and his entourage made their way out of the forest and onto the castle of lions. It hadn’t been easy to persuade the king to come to them but with recent events both Shiro and Allura agreed it was best to stay together and protect their base. 

“Ah, King Cjugla! I am glad you came.” Allura said sombrely.

“Princess Allura, Paladin,” the king nodded politely, “I am very eager to understand exactly what happened here.”

“As are we, please take a seat.” Shiro guided them too the meeting room where they all sat quickly with Shiro and Allura at one end and the king at the other.

“A few hours ago, we returned from the celebration to find one of our Paladins very injured after a battle with a masked attacker who was killed in the struggle. We have security footage you can watch, but it is quite graphic.” Shiro started the video.

There was a crackle in the security feed as lines of distortion cutting through the feed and white noise filled the air. But if you squinted hard enough you could see the blurry outline of the attacker appear from nowhere. The feed shut off suddenly until Lance entered to castle. The feed switches to the figure trying to access the panel that hides the food goo as Lance rounded the corner. They stand in standoff for a second before Lance is chased down the corridor until they reached the training room. The fight begins and eventually Lance kills the attacker and the footage cut off.

The king was silent for a long moment, “Your Paladin fought bravely, another testament to your skills and ability as Voltron. To fight unarmed with no armour and to win no less. I am very impressed.”

“Thank you King Cjugla though the blue Paladin sustained some injuries, he should be able to make a full recovery. Now what has concerned us the most is the nature of the intruder.” Shiro paused, he wasn’t quite how to phrase it without sounding accusatory or implicatory.

“The attacker was a native to your planet,” Allura finished, “Though we naturally assumed that your cooperation meant that you had no part in this attack, we may be looking at insurgence.”

“You mean that one of my own have betrayed out alliance?” the king raised an eyebrow.

“I think it is best that we show you.”

Shiro changed the screen to a breakdown of all the information they had managed to find from the intruder, “We believe that he was trying to place a deadly toxin into out food supply. The toxin we recovered is very rare, we are looking into how it would be supplied. But more disturbingly, we found that although the intruder has the same DNA markers as your species, there are no house marks and they have no face.”

“This is disturbing…” the king paused for a long moment in thought, “Please allow me to offer any assistance that you may need. You have full access to any material you may need to get to the bottom of this.”

“Thank you King Cjugla.” Allura carried on the discussion with the king and the rest of his entourage while Shiro politely excused himself and went about the other things he had to do.


	5. Chapter 5

Lance stumbled out of oblivion into a strong pair of arms, he could feel their warmth. The suffocating warmth. A bolt of panic flooded through him as he threw a wild punch catching something hard. He didn’t feel it though; Lance’s head was too preoccupied with getting as far away as possible.

“Lance? Buddy?” The sound of Hunk’s soothing voice cut through the blind panic Lance felt and he felt himself relax a little. 

“Sorry Hunk,” Lance ran a hand through his hair in embarrassment but tried to laugh it off, “I guess my brain was still pretty scrambled.”

“Don’t worry.” Hunk smiled softly. “Okay first we are going to get you in some new clothes then food and then I guess we can take it from there.”

Lance let Hunk carry him through the white corridors of the castle until they reached his room. After a little fumbling for Lance to lean over and tap in the code for his room while holding onto Hunk shoulder at the same time they managed to get in. Hunk placed his friend down on the bed as he walked over to the set of draws.

“Which one is which?”

“Top is underwear and socks, next is t-shirts, then trousers.”

Hunk grabbed all that was needed for being dresses and set them down on the bed next to Lance. He went to help Lance get undressed out of the weird robe thing that Coran had put him in, but Lance smacked his hand away.

“Come one, you’re not my mother. I can do it.” 

Lance laughed but Hunk didn’t stray far he knew it took a while for body to regain its full function after being in a pod especially with the amount of damage Lance took. After a few tried, Lance stood up off the bed and tried to stay balanced enough to slide on his underwear underneath his robe, but he just slumped back in defeat. 

“I’ll hold you up bud, don’t worry about it.”

Hunk wrapped his arms around Lances torso, holding him up enough to lift one leg at a time. Next was the robe. Hunk was used to undressing Lance when he was inebriated but when he was totally lucid it was a little awkward, they both knew what was coming next. 

Lance dutifully held his arms up, letting Hunk pull the robe up off his body as he looked away over one shoulder. Letting out a loud sigh, Hunk’s eyes traced the pink scars tracing Lances skin. He had seen them all before and was so pleased the only knew ones were from the fight, but it still hurt him. His eyes traced the familiar pink, ridged lines covering Lances thighs. It was strange to see the old white lines nestled into his left side compared to the stark pink scars that now crossed his torso.

He never knew Lance when he still did it, but the scars were fresh enough. Hunk reckoned Lance didn’t even remember that first time, the had snuck out into the town and Lance had managed to get them into a club. After getting Black out drunk and throwing up down his self Lance was in no fit state to do anything so Hunk helped him to bed. He could almost chuckle at the memory, god knows how they didn’t get caught that night. There were a few times after that, when lances swimming shorts rode up a little at the beach, when he forgot his towel and had to use a hand one to cover up before ducking back into the privacy of the shower. They didn’t talk about it, but they didn’t avoid the subject either.

“You’re staring again.” Lance still couldn’t meet Hunk’s eye so looked over his shoulder towards the bathroom.

“Oh, sorry,” Hunk laughed a little nervously, “That guy did quite a number on you huh.”

“What? Oh…” Lance finally looked down and traced the new dark pink scars along his chest then at the few snaking down his arms. The tightness on his back told him there were more there.

“Oh, that sucks.” Lance frowned deeply as he ran his fingers over the marks.

“Now you look like some epic battle hero.” Hunk suggested light heartedly, but he could feel the sorrow coming from Lance as he stared down at his ruined body.

“How many on the back?”

“Three I think.”

“Ugh.” Lance flopped back on the bed and laid a hand over his face, “What’s yours like?”

Hunk shrugged, reluctant to show Lance the damage he had done but he knew refusing would only make him worry more. Rolling up his shirt, Hunk showed Lance the thin black line crossing his bicep. Lance rolled up just enough to see a glance before flopping back down.

“I’m really sorry.” Lance said quietly shame lacing his voice.

“Don’t be, we should have been there.” Hunk trailed off as something caught his eye, a pink shiny mark wrapped itself around Lances wrist, like a hand print, “What is that?”

Lance looked at the mark, “I don’t know man, one of the druids touched me ages ago and it left a mark. I think the healing pod sorted it out though.”

Hunk narrowed his eyes but didn’t say anything, instead he helped Lance finish getting dressed.

***

They never did find out where the intruder came from or who sent it. But one think was certain, it could never happen again. 

***

Alarms ripped through the castle making Lance throw his body out of bed in shock. Peeling his face off his bedroom floor, Lance leapt up and scrabbled around the room for his armour. He knew that he should have put it away properly when he threw it down the last time, but he was too damn tired to care then and since then there had been no space to look for it. Quiznak, I really am the worst. He scalded under his breath.

Slowly but surely Lance tracked down each piece and threw it on but there was one piece missing. Cursing under his breath, Lance put a hand around his left forearm and let out a sigh. Not again. Lance rolled his eyes at the irony but before he went to dart out of the room, he caught sight of it wedged down the side of his bed. Smirking triumphantly, Lance grabbed his helmet off the nightstand and darted out of the door. Maybe things were going to start working out right for once.

Lance made it the bridge in good time, better time than he had ever managed. 

“Oh Lance, we weren’t expecting you up.” Allura widened her eyes.

“I know, it’s a miracle, I actually made on time.” lance laughed.

“That’s not what I meant,” Allura looked at Shiro for help, she was never the most sensitive about these things, “I’m not sure that this is a good idea, you might need more time to, uh… recover.”

“I’m all good really. I just wanna get back out there and get some universe saving done. You know our job.” 

Lance forced his smile to widen, he could feel the rest of the team scrutinise him. He had only been out of the pod for a day and he could already feel everyone treating him like glass, like he was about the break at any second. He got it though, he reckoned if it was someone else was in his place, he would be a bit careful around them as well.

“I don’t know Lance…” Shiro frowned as Lance raised an eyebrow at the older man, “I’m just concerned, these things leave a mark.”

“Nope, only physically. I’m all good.” Lance laughed it off, really didn’t feel any different, looking back at the event it felt like it happened to someone else. He guessed it just hadn’t sunk in yet or something, but he wasn’t complaining. Not being affected by trauma was nothing to complain about.

“Well I guess if you think you are ready, but I want you to be with someone the whole time. Uh, follow Keith.” Shiro shrugged and looked at Allura.

“Okay then, cooool.” Lance let out a little click of annoyance as they headed towards the lions.

Sitting in the back of the red lion, Lance felt the annoyance bubble up inside him, he didn’t need a babysitter and Keith no less. 

“How many prisoners are there?” He asked with a sigh.

Keith rolled his eyes, “I already told you, we think there are around twenty around the base at three different locations. You and I will start at the north side of the base and get the hostages near the engine.”

Lance bit back a snarky comment and kept cleaning his helmet. Pidge shut down the security allowing the red lion to enter the hanger. The journey to engine room was relatively easy going, nothing but pairs of sentries dotted along the route. By the sounds of what Lance heard over the comms, the rest of the team was having a slightly more difficult time but only slightly. They found a locked cell a little way down from the engine room. With the decryption Pidge had programmed into his gauntlet it was no problem to crack open.

Lance counted the hostages. “We have eight here.”

Other numbers were relayed back over the comms until Coran announced everyone was accounted for and it was time to take them home. Lance let Keith lead the way scouting the way to ensure everyone’s safety as he hung back a little to reassure and chat to the prisoners and keep them all as relaxed as possible. But then it went wrong. At the end of the corridor was two lines of sentries, guns trained on the group of escapees. Behind them stood several Galran officers, probably the ships commanders but the looks of it all and all of them had swords and blasters.

Keith shouted for the prisoners to retreat around the corner as the sentries opened fire. They just made it, all except Keith who caught a blaster shot to the shoulder.

“Are you alright?” Lance ripped the wrapping of a healing pad and tried to pull of Keith’s armour.

“We don’t have time for this,” Keith hissed as he smacked Lance’s hand away, “Cover me.”

Keith launched himself back around the corner, sword up and ready to slice through sentries left right and centre. A few paces behind him, Lance raised his blaster and began to return fire. He really hated to admit it, but Keith was a really good fighter. It was almost dance like how he dove between targets dodging shots with almost ease. Lance watched him move, forgetting to return fire until his blaster was shot out of his hands and clattered to the floor.

There were only a few sentries left now and the Galran commanders but just as Keith’s sword arched closer to one of the commanders a bolt of purple shot through his side sending flying backwards towards Lance. 

“Quiznack! Keith are you alright?” Lance dove to his fallen paladin’s side and placed a hand over the wound. He could feel warm, sticky blood seep out of the hole in armour as Keith grew paler.

“What happened to covering me?” Keith narrowed his eyes in annoyance, seeming oblivious of the gravity of the situation.

Lance opened his mouth to reply but he was cut off by a blade to his throat. All the memories of the faceless attack flooded back to him. The feeling of the warm blood coating his hands and the feeling of the blade cutting through each of them in turn. Breath hitching in his throat, Lance dived towards Keith’s dropped Bayard. It was like he was in a trance, like there was a hand tugging on his wrist leading his arm towards bloodshed.

Wiping his sweaty fringe out of his face, Keith looked up in shock. There was no one left standing. His eyes were drawn to the floor as the bodies of the Galran commanders scattered the ground like ragdolls violently thrown from a dissatisfied child. There was something animalistic about the way they had been butchered, it unnerved Keith and he wasn’t easily shaken. But then something worse drew his eye. Lance stood drenched in Galran blood, a wide smile on his face and Keith’s Bayard still in his hand. In his other there was a blood covered healing pad in his other that he held out towards Keith.

“Lance?” Keith started but Lance’s smile only grew wider at the sound of his own name, “What did you do?”

“I fixed it.” 

Lance tilted his head quizzically as he placed the healing pad on Keith’s side and then turned the corner to where the prisoners stood still cowering in fear. The sight of the blood-soaked Blue paladin grinning like a maniac made one of them cry out in fear. Lance flinched at the sound and sent Keith’s Bayard flying towards the source of the noise. It missed the face of a blue alien by millimetres and left a thin line of a purple cut along her cheek. She stared at the blade with a wide-eyed look of pure terror.

“Shhh,” Lance put a finger to his lips as he tilted his head, “Time to go.”

Keith watched in confusion and anger as Lance trotted down the hall in a lover like trance. Rolling up to sitting, Keith took his Bayard from the wall and picked up Lance’s from where it still lay discarded on the floor attaching them to his utility belt. He was at a loss for words, truly and utterly stumped.

“Uh, yeah… I’m really sorry about that. I think we should probably get out of here.” Keith scratched the back of head in disbelief.

***

“He did what!” Shiro roared in disbelief.

Keith shifted uncomfortably in his chair in the debriefing, he hated it when Shiro was angry even when it wasn’t aimed at him. Then on top of that, to so blatantly call out one of his team mates for better or for worse seemed kind of wrong.

“He took my Bayard after I was injured and killed the Galran commanders and threw my sword at one of the prisoners.” Keith replied in a robotic tone, this had been the third time he had to explain it to Shiro and he really couldn’t be asked anymore.

“He took my-”

Shiro held up a hand as he rested his head in his other hand, “Okay, okay. What is your assessment?”

“My assessment?” Keith raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah. What do you think?”

“Um…” Keith thought for a moment, “I didn’t see him kill them, but it wasn’t clean, the bodies were… messy.”

Shiro hummed in thought, prompting Keith to carry on.

“He looked strange, he smiled. It was… unnerving.”

Shiro sighed, “Okay thank you Keith. You can go now.

Keith crossed his arms as he stood, “What are you going to do to Lance?”

“Well I’m going to talk to him and then I’ll take it from there.” Shiro shrugged, in all honesty he wasn’t really sure how to deal with it all. Out of all the paladins, Shiro always thought Lance was the one he didn’t need to worry about.

After a period of deliberation and consulting with Allura and Coran it was decided that Lance would not be involved in any unessential missions. In the unlikely event of him being let out, there was no chance that he would be allowed to leave his lion.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow, look whose back from her hiatus!!! I finally had a new bout of inspiration for this fic and I'm actually going to go somewhere now. So buckle up kids and get ready for some major angst.
> 
>  
> 
> This chapter contains some fairly graphic description of self inflicted harm so just be careful y'all.
> 
> And finally there is a song reference and i do recomend playing it for the full atmospheric exerience so I've put a link there:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7K72X4eo_s

Lance lay back on his bed staring at the ceiling. Having been confined to is room for hours, he was getting fed up. He really didn’t know why they were so hung up about the mission, all he did was take down a few Galra so they didn’t die. The memory was hazy, but he was sure that it wasn’t nearly as back as it was being made out to be. Narrowing his eyes, Lance reminded himself who told everyone in the first place. Keith.

He thought back to Shiro calling him into the briefing room to break the news to him. Like they could side line me, Lance thought bitterly but the more he thought about it the easier it seemed, he was only needed so that they could form Voltron and it was only that more obvious now. Just a place holder.

Just a place holder.

Lance rolled over onto his side and let out a huff as his mind drifted onto other, darker things. A red hue began to creep over his mind’s eye making Lance sigh, he knew this meant. It had been so long since the thought had been there, that intrusive nagging that couldn’t be silenced until the deed was done.

Lance took his phone from the draw where he had stashed it when it became to painful to look at. Although it had no signal or internet, he still had the songs downloaded onto it and for this occasion it felt only right. The calming beat of ‘Teardrop’ by Massive Attack filled the air.

Fierce anticipation jolted through his body, but he made himself pause and enjoy the music letting himself sway and twirl for a few beats, letting his hands wander over his own touch staved body. 

Running his fingers over his thighs, Lance felt the reassuring ridges of all the other times he got this itch under his skin and he knew he had held out long enough. Flashes of violent anticipation coiled under Lances skin as he dropped his phone and stalked into the bathroom like a hunter, but the prey was his own flesh.

His mind was buzzing with red static, the anticipation filling him with a strange feeling of elation and power as Lance opened the mirrored cupboard and took the long knife from the top shelf. As Lance rolled the blade around his hands, watching the pale glint in the harsh lighting, a wave of purity washed over him, and Lance grinned to himself in the mirror as he closed the cabinet.

Lanced closed the toilet lid and slid onto it as he dropped his trousers in one fluid, familiar motion. Pulling up the legs of his boxers he moved the lumpy skin around for a moment until a piece offended him with its unmarred beauty. He let out a breath and he placed the cold metal to his skin, miming where the incision would be. Once he was satisfied, Lance changed his grip on the handle and tore it into his skin bringing tears to his eyes.

The blood didn’t come at once, it hesitated like it was shocked by the action as Lance pulled the would apart, inspecting it through the blur of his watery eyes. It was deep sure, but he could see the fat under the thin layer of skin left. It was tantalising. Lance pressed into the wound to see if he could handle another swipe, but it was like all pain had left his body, like his mind was watching it happen to someone else. 

Lining the blade up again Lance dragged it across the wound again, pressing harder this time. Lance let out a hiss of pain as jolts of agony tore through his nerves. He felt his head spin slightly as he inspected the wound, bubbles of fat pushed through his skin as the wound gaped apart. 

Lance smiled to himself manically as he slashes at his skin again and again until his thighs were littered with eight long gashes. Stumbling as he leant over to reach the toilet roll to blot the wounds, Lance’s head spun and that feeling of purity was suddenly gone replaced with a feeling of dread. It was too much. Now the red haze was gone, and Lance looked around at the blood splattered bathroom he felt a wave of panic and his chest tightened. It looked like someone had been murdered, no one could loose that much blood, it couldn’t fit in someone. 

Stumbling to the sink, Lance began to run some warm water and rummaged in the cabinet for the space salt he had stashed in there. He blinked and then he was on the floor, salt everywhere. Desperately, Lance scooped up some of the bloody salt and poured it over his leg making his eyes water in pain.

The blood didn’t stop coming. It was like it was coming from between the very tiles themselves. A loud buzzing noise filled the air as Lance reached up and tried to turn on the tap.

“How could you be a paladin of Voltron if you lose your legs?”

Lance covered his ears to block out the resonating voices that seemed to come from the walls themselves. 

“Shiro had his arm taken and here you are throwing your limbs away

“You’re so broken, you would probably thank the Galra when you loose and they torture you.”

“No!” Lance shouted, there was a weird buzzing noise filling his ears that was getting louder and louder.

Layers of voices shouting abuse and that infernal buzzing noise seemed to get louder and more intense, the room seemed to be shaking

“Place holder!”

“You’re breaking my heart mijo!” that one sounded like Lances mother, he hated it when she shouted.

“No! Mama, Please!” Lance cried out in panic. 

“Oh, look your team is coming! They are going to see!”

There was a knock on the door. Lance glanced around in panic, he needed to hide, he couldn’t see them. Pushing himself to the back corner of the room, Lance wrapped his body up into a ball, still naked apart from the blood-soaked boxers.

A hand gently cupped Lance’s shoulder, “Lance? Buddy?”

Lance looked up in shock. Hunk stood crouched before the other boy with a kind look on his face. But more shocking was the blood. It was all gone. the bathroom was clean apart from some of his toiletries that were scattered across the floor.

“Are you alright buddy? I heard you shouting, I hope you don’t mind.”

Lance looked around dumbfounded, his chest still tight, “Yeah, I slipped over…” His voice sounded so far away and empty.

Raising an eyebrow, Hunk shrugged but went along with it. He figured they could talk about it later if they needed to, when Lance was more calm.

“Okay, you look cold. Let’s get you back into bed.”

Lance went to follow Hunks leading hand but paused, what about he cuts. They had to be real, the pain was real.

“Come on Lance, you know I’ve seen before.” Hunk knew all about his old habit, he had seen the fallout of Lances pain before.

“Its not real?” Lance said, still spaced out.

Sighing loudly Hunk gently pushed lance into his bed, “Lance, talk to me buddy.

Lance stared down at his thighs scanning the marred skin until it hit him, eight new scars, slightly more pink that the rest. It was real, god knows how, but it was real. He wasn’t crazy.

Lance looked up at Hunk with the sincerest smile he could muster, “I’m okay Hunk. I just slipped.”

***

Hunk wasn’t convinced, but he didn’t say anything as he slipped through the door and left Lance to it. Lance didn’t even seem to notice as he stared down at his legs with a relived smile. If anything, Hunk was shaken by the crazed shift of emotions that crossed Lance’s face and as much as he would like to put it down to sleepwalking or the shock of falling over there were too many things wrong with the situation. 

Once outside, Hunk lent against the door to Lance’s room, he had a really bad feeling about what he had just seen but there was no one he could go to. He didn’t want to stress Shiro out any more than he already was. Pidge, Allura and Keith weren’t sensitive enough so that left Coran. Maybe if it gets worse.

***  
Lance woke again, his bod trembling gently and covered in sweat like he had just run a marathon. He rolled out of bed onto the cool floor and pressed his body against it letting the coiled-up heat under his skin flow away. What is happening to me? He thought as he lay there. 

Rolling up to sitting, Lance looked at his thighs again reaffirming the events of the night before. Just like he remembered, eight pink lines where there should have been gaping wounds. He had no idea how they had healed to quickly, but Lance couldn’t deny he wasn’t pleased about it. If Hunk had seen that, if he couldn’t hide it. A wave of nausea washed over Lance for a second, but he pushed it away, it wasn’t like that, it wasn’t even there anymore.

Lance pushed himself onto his back and let out a loud sigh, his body was aching for movement and the red hue was back, though it was different than last night. He felt he was full of unused energy that was just edging him to fight. It would have scared him, but it was a lot better than the last time he felt this. Maybe it would do him some good to train?

Quickly throwing on a loose t shirt and a pair of bottoms, Lance ventured out into the corridor, walking like a stranger down familiar halls towards the training room. The sound of Hunks voice humming a song drifted out from the kitchen as Lance tiptoed past, he really didn’t want to see him yet, he could pretend to everyone, but Hunk always had his suspicions.

Keith was in the training room again. Of course he is, no wonder no one is improving but him when he won’t share. Letting out a loud click of annoyance, Lance crossed his arms over his head.

“What is it Lance?” Keith asked, not breaking a step.

Lance narrowed his eyes but thought it was better to avoid an argument especially with the brutality coiling under his skin, there was no telling what he would say and regret later, “Nothing, I’ll just come back later.”

He didn’t want to come back later, his muscles were screaming to be used, his hands twitching to hurt something. Lance would have been scared by this ferocity if he wasn’t so coiled in anticipation. Keith seemed to notice how on edge he was already.

“We can spar for a while.” Keith suggested, Lance could be sure whether the slight smile on his face was genuine or provoking.

“Are you sure you can keep up with my awesome power samurai?” Lance asked in a mocking voice making Keith raise an eyebrow.

Keith lunged towards him at that. Lance ducked, rolling under him with a swift kick behind Keith’s knee. The other boy dove off to the side, making sure there was a good distance between them.

Lance struck first this time. He aimed towards his left – knowing his weaker side. Keith seemed to expect this though and easily moved so that he was behind him. Spinning, he had just enough time to duck before Keith could get him. A few more minutes of the dance and Keith finally fell victim to his trap. Dodging forward, Lance was able to hit him hard enough to send him stumbling backwards, giving him enough room to take a few steps forward. He wasn’t going to give Keith an inch of room to draw his Bayard. This also meant he couldn’t use his, but he was fairly confident about his hand to hand combat skills. 

“You’re not bad.” Keith gritted out as he dodged Lances jab. He lunged back far enough to call his Bayard to hid hand and pull out the blade. “Who have you been training with?”

Keith couldn’t have known the reason he was good with his fists came from his years in a small American high school where his family were to only ones that spoke Spanish. Something about Keith’s ignorance sent flashes of anger through his body. He never had the luxury of training for a fight, no one warned you in real life. There was no suiting up montage.

“Shut up.” Lance spat out trying to keep the bubbling rage supressed.

Keith smacked Lance’s Bayard from his hand before he had a chance to form the blaster. The sound of it clattering to the floor made Lances concentration snap and in seconds Keith had decked him. Lance wasted no time in kicking the other boy’s feet out from under him, but Keith managed to dive at the last-minute landing on Lances shoulder, his sword grazed the side of Lances knee but it was in training mode so there was no sharp edge.

“You’re crazy.” Keith panted as wriggled onto Lances chest to pin his arms down.

“And you’re a dick.” Lance narrowed his eyes trying to stem the anger swelling in his chest, it had been a long time since he had felt this bad.

Lance threw Keith off, sneaking in an uppercut to the jaw as he ripped Keith’s Bayard from his grip and held it to Keith’s throat. A little bead of blood gathered along the edge of the blade. Lance tilted his head, he thought it was in training mode or maybe he was pressing too hard… The sudden though cut through him sharper than any blade. He looked Keith with his stupid victory or death expression and the anger was back. Gritting his teeth, Lance ripped the sword from Keith’s neck and brought it down centimetres from his head cutting a little piece of hair off in the process.

Jumping off the other boy, Lance grabbed his Bayard from the floor and hurried out of the room. Keith watched him go in shock, that was intense and suddenly he got why people didn’t like to train with him. He looked up at the blade, a third of the blade was stuck into the floor. That’s going to be a bitch   
to get out.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> turns out vaguely happy stuff is not my area so im sorry that this took so long. Also sorry if i offend anyone with my dodgy spanish.

Shiro looked down the dining table as the rest of the team sat in silence over their food goo. Things were getting difficult. They were in a rut and moral was non existent at this point, everyone was pushed to their limit and it was showing. Shiro pushed his chair out to address the whole room.

“I was going to wait for Lance to turn up, but it doesn’t look like he’s going to show. Allura and I were thinking it was time to have a down day and completely forget about the whole war. Start a fresh in a few days.” He clapped his hands together, “What do you think?”

Keith let out a sarcastic whoop and rolled his eyes but everyone else seemed pretty excited about it.

“So, what do you have planned oh wise leader?” Pidge raised an eyebrow.

“We are very close to the planet xandi-8 which is notorious for its beautiful beaches and stunning sunsets.” Allura said whimsically, “My parents used to visit there a lot in their youth.”

“You mean I’ll have to go outside? Ew.” Pidge shook her head in disgust.

“Come on pidge, you’re so pasty I’m sure you’d combust within a second. A bit of sun would be good for you!” Hunk laughed.

Shiro smiled, he had taken a long time to consider each of the teams likes and dislikes so that he could accommodate for most if he could. With such a diverse group it was hard, but he was so pleased they all seemed willing to try it. Just one more person to ask and Shiro was sure that Lance would be ecstatic to see the beach again even if it wasn’t on earth.

Truth be told, he was a little concerned about Lance and he really didn’t want anything bad to happen under his nose. He had briefly seen Lance’s file back at the Garrison, so he knew a little of the boy’s medical history. Not that he would ever tell Lance, he covered it up so well it would seem like a total invasion of privacy. Though on the other hand his behaviour recently was uncharacteristic.

Shiro took a detour so that he went past Lance’s room on the way back to his own room. They all hadn’t seen much of the blue paladin except briefly at the lion hanger before heading out. He did feel bad for benching Lance, but what else was he to do. 

He paused as he reached the door, he had no idea how to talk to Lance. No matter how hard he tried he could neve find the right words. He hoped there was nothing wrong, but the years spent with an emotionally repressed teen taught him to pick up on the tiniest things.

“Hey Lance, you okay in there? Didn’t see you at dinner.” He called through the door.

No reply. Now Shiro was worried and as much as he didn’t want to invade Lance’s privacy, he also didn’t want anyone slipping under the radar. Shiro pressed his hand to the scanner and stepped into the room. There was no one in there. Letting out a sigh, Shiro just hoped that somehow Lance had slipped past him and was getting a late dinner.

So, he headed back to his room, it was getting late and he wanted to be fully rested for a day of relaxation. Shiro found himself walking past the training room and from the sounds of it someone was working pretty hard. An eye roll, it was probably Keith and Shiro really didn’t want to moan at him again for staying up too late training.

Poking his head around the door, Shiro bit back a gasp. Lance stood in the centre of the room, a training sword in hand and no armour on. Normally Lance would never train voluntarily. Not wanting to disturb the boy, Shiro slid into the back of the room silently to just watch.

It was weird, he held the sword like he had used one all his life and his steps were a little too light to match his usual display. Three bots rolled forward holding long spears and Shiro couldn’t help but hold his breath as they spread out around Lance. Tilting his head, Lance rushed forwards slashing and dancing out of the way of the bots blows until he had cut them all down.

Three training levels later, and Lance was surrounded. Two bots on his left, three more on his right and another behind threatened to close in. His concentration must have lapsed, or he must have gotten tired as he didn’t quite follow through enough to give himself space. One of the drones smacked Lance across the back making Shiro cringe. 

Letting out a cry of pain and anger, Lace swung around and cut the drone down, but another came in behind him smacking him again. Lance turned but it was too late, the bots kept getting hit in quicker than he could block. It was too much. Shio couldn’t take it anymore.

“End training sequence!” Shiro called out.

“What the hell man!” Lance whipped around; his face uncharacteristically angry.

“Lance, there were too many for you and you’re not wearing armour. What are you thinking?”

“What? Do think I’m not capable?”

Shiro was taken a back for a second, “What? No, I –”

“Sorry.” Lance sighed walked over to the bench where Shiro sat, “Just forget I said that.”

“Okay… I just came to tell you that we are taking a day off to go to the beach.”

“Oh cool.” Lance said a little unenthusiastically as he eased himself onto the bench.

Although he was trying to hide it, Shiro could see how much the boy hurt and it was only going to get worse in the next few days.

“I’ve never seen you fight like that. It was impressive.” 

“Thanks.”

Shiro hesitated, “I know coming face to face with death is terrifying and can make everything out of control, but I want you to know what happened with that intruder will never happen again. Not on my watch.”

Lance opened his mouth to speak but Shiro put his hand up to stop him.

“All I want you to know Lance is that you can rely on us and if you ever need anything, I am here for you anytime.”

Lance blushed, “Thanks Shiro.”

***

The castle touched down near the cliff and it wasn’t seconds before everyone spilled out of the door, eager to see the sea. Allura was right hen she called it beautiful. Bellow the cliffs sat a long stretch of fine red sand that disappeared into a purple looking sea. Thick bands of colour cut diagonally through the cliff face

Lance went to pull his top up but hesitated before letting the fabric fall back down.

“Whats stopping you?” Shiro frowned, he wasn’t used to seeing Lance being self-conscious.

“Um, well you know after that fight…” Lance trailed off and looked down the sand.

“You have scars from it? So what? We all have scars from one thing or another and its not something to be shy about. They show what we have lived through, what we are made of as people.” It was what Shiro had wished someone would’ve said to him in the first few months of being free from the Galra.

“Yeah but-”

“Yeah but, no but.” Shiro interrupted with a cheeky smile that Lance matched.

“Alright, but only if you take yours off too. A good captain had to lead by example y’know.” Lance raised an eyebrow.

Rolling his eyes Shiro stood up and dramatically pulled of this t-shirt and flung it over his head striking a pose that would have put bay watch at shame. Lance shamelessly wolf whistled while the rest of the group cheered making Shiro’s face turn pink with embarrassment. 

***

Looking up from his book to see who was calling him, Shiro’s face suddenly turned pale as he watched Lance climb up part of the cliff overlooking the sea and every dad instinct he had kicked into overdrive.

“What the hell are you doing Lance!” he shouted frantically but Hunk put a hand on his shoulder to stop him running over there and yanking the boy down himself.

“Just watch, this will be impressive.” He said smugly.

Shiro crossed his arms and sat back down but he couldn’t settle the feeling of unease bubbling in his stomach as he watched Lance climb higher. For a second it looked like Lance was about to fall as a piece of rock fell out from under his foot, but he scrabbled up quickly. He hesitated for a moment as he glanced over his shoulder before leaping off the cliff face backwards. Leaping up in shock, Shiro looked at Hunk who shook his head, so he turned back to Lance as he tumbled and arched through the air and hit the water.

There was a moment, a few seconds really but it felt like an eternity as the waves sloshed gently against the cliffs with no sign of Lance but then his head bobbed above the surface a few meters closer to them. Hunk and Pidge let out a cheer which Shiro joined in albeit a little shaken.

Lance swam closer and strolled out of the water with seaweed in his hair but totally unharmed.

“You nearly gave me a heart attack Lance!” Shiro exclaimed.

 

“These cliffs are similar to the rock in Cuba though it’s a different colour, I used to spend all my time on the beach back then.” Lance chuckled. 

In truth he had started with the intention of jumping off one day but as he practiced more and more, Lance found the process to be therapeutic and quite fun. As it turned out jumping off, that thrill of possible death made it even better.

It turned out that the evening sun was too much for human skin to handle and even Hunk could feel his skin cooking under its intense beams so the retreated up the beach to the tree line at the top of the dunes. The trees weren’t too different to the rhododendron tree on earth, but the wood was a deep purple colour with vibrant blue and red flowers which looked like glass.

Sunlight trickles gently trickled through the tree casting a warm pink light across the paladins as they lounged in the gently curved branches. Lance of course had climbed up the highest and bathed in the small pool of warmth that bounced off his stomach while Shiro and Keith sat next to each other on a branch just below. Allura, Pidge and Coran lay in the bottom few branches while Hunk had nestled into the warm sand with an arm draped over his face, his excuse was that his feet were happiest on the floor.

“Hey guys?” Hunk asked breaking the lazy silence, “If you had one wish what would it be?”

“Huh, that’s kind of a hard question…” Shiro trailed off in thought.

“Not at all number one!” Coran piped up, “Naturally id wish for something fitting of a royal advisor. I’d wish for the bag of the Alkari which is quite a legend in the Galaa cluster. Its said to be a bag that contains in it exactly what you need at that time so no more trailing the cosmos for spare parts and I’d never have to search for a pen again.”

Coran twiddled his moustache in satisfaction.

“I think that’s kind of cheating Coran!” Lance laughed.

“How? Its practical and would benefit the whole team. In that case Lance my boy, what would you wish for?”

“My mums cooking, her Garlic knots were the definition of foodgasm.”

Lance licked his lips at the memory of those golden balls of buttery goodness. He could remember his mothers sweet smile as she stood over the stove sweaty in the heat of it as she batted Lances prying hands away from the tray. She would sweetly say ‘Todavía no mijo. Ellos están aún calientes’. Not that he’d ever admit it, Lance really missed having conversations in Spanish.

“Really Lance? You just had to make it sexual.” Hunk laughed, “But I get it, id love to have a restaurant and grow all my own food. What about you Keith?”

“I’d want a big ass snake like the one in harry potter.” Keith nodded to himself.

“But he was the villain Keith!” Shiro sounded genuinely horrified that Keith wanted a snake.

“I just want to ride into battle on a snake.” Keith crossed his arms and pouted.

Pidge scoffed loudly.

“Hey what’s your problem with that?”

“It’s not very realistic.” She said not looking up from her laptop.

“It’s a wish, its not supposed to be. So, what would you wish for?”

“No, I uh…”

Keith narrowed his eyes, “What would you wish for.”

Pidge pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them, resting her cheeks on her kneecaps.

“I wanna get my family back.”

“Oh…”

There was a moment of silence as everyone floundered for what to say but it was quickly cut short by the sound of Lance falling from his tree branch and tumbling to the floor. Somehow, he managed to take out most of the group on his way down too.

“Goodness Lance will you be more careful!” Allura exclaimed as she untangled herself from the pile and brushed herself down, “Poor Hunk had us all land on him!”

Soon the sun was setting, and the paladins were able to venture out again to gather up their belongings they left on the beach and began to make their way back to the castle ship.

Before they went, Lance put a hand on Shiro’s shoulder to pause him for a second.

“Thanks man, this was really nice.” He said, not taking his eyes off the ground.

“Any time Lance, you guys are still children, and this is a tough thing to go through for all of us. I think we need a bit more down time before we all burn ourselves out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Side note: when Lance's mum says 'Todavía no mijo. Ellos están aún calientes@ in the memory it means 'Not yet dear. They are still hot.' I hope I got that right eh


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh wow two chapters in one day, I am really putting off revision.

“To ease ourselves back into training, Coran and I thought it would be good to try out this bonding exercise we were saving.” Allura clasped her hands together in excitement.

Lance rolled his eyes, if it was anything like the other training exercises, they’d done in the past someone would be covered in something disgusting by the end of it and knowing his luck it would probably be him.

“It was made in Altea as a method to encourage criminals to repent for their crimes but then it was made commercial as a way to help families and friend become closer. I remember when I was a boy…”

Allura raised an eyebrow as a nod for Coran to get back on track.

“Anyway, put the headbands on and, in simple terms, it will let you feel the emotions of your partner, so you can empathise and bond with each other.” Coran held up a little circlet a little like the one Allura wore but simpler.

“Are you sure this is a good idea Coran?” Shiro asked acutely aware that his PTSD might be a little much for the younger Paladins to cope with.

“Of course, it it’s too much just take the headband off and all becomes as it was.

Allura wrote all the names down and put then in a bag. Shaking then up she picked out two, “Shiro and Hunk.”

Hunk shrugged and looked to Shiro for guidance, “Um sure, I mean-”

“Yeah, let’s go” Shiro bit his lip, everything about this idea made him uneasy but he guessed it would be good to get it out of the way quickly.

Placing the headband on a little lopsidedly, Hunk crossed his arms nervously and waited patiently for the process to start. He didn’t notice it at first, but there was a certain shiver of panic creeping up Shiro’s spine. It wasn’t unusual, but he could feel the feeling growing inside of him. Everywhere he looked was something that could go wrong, someone that might get hurt or hurt him.

Glancing at Hunk, Shiro noticed the strained look on his face. Like a stone dropped in a still lake. It was unnerving to see a look he was so used to seeing on his own face on someone else knowing they felt everything that he felt when he was wearing it. God, PTSD was a bitch but then so was anxiety. But it was manageable, and both paladins finished their task without too much of a problem even if it meant they both sat shanking on the sofa for a moment.

Next up were Coran and Pidge. It was a weird feeling, to have a loss so similar to their own projected into their head. Pidge bit her lip as she felt a flash of guilt and an unceasing anger at being the only one left and a whimsical urge to join those lost. It hurt, it hurt so badly because it was so familiar. Scooting closer to Coran, Pidge wrapped her arms around the old Altean and let herself sniffle into his robes. 

It was a shock to Coran when he felt the green paladin nestle into his side but not an unwelcome one. In his many years he had learnt how to manage loss not it made it any easier. To have this fresh, raw, almost child like sense of abandonment that Pidge still wore cut his heart deeper than he could have anticipated. Wrapping an arm around her, Coran pulled Pidge into a hug as he felt tears prick the corners of his eyes.

“You can’t lose hope number five. We’ll get them back by the white lion I promise it.”

“I hope so Coran, I really hope so.”

Coran gently pulled the circlet from his head, breaking the connection. Allura put a hand on both their shoulders in a tender display of affection before taking the head bands.

“Are you ready Lance?” she said rather than asked as she handed the blue paladin the headband.

Lance felt physically sick as he tried to force all the positivity and light-heartedness his usual exterior showed but the more he tried; the more the darkness seemed to seep into the corners of his mind.

“I wonder if Allura will start sucking her own dick as much as Lance does.” Pidge remarked with a smirk.

Shut up. Lance scowled for a moment as he put the headband on, maybe annoyance could be his mask this time. The two of them placed in their headbands and waited for something to happen. There was nothing to being with, like his emotions and very being was being sucked out but hen it was replaced with the great sense of loss and sadness but also a burning desire for justice.

It was a strange feeling, to have another person’s feelings inside you like they were your own. It made Lance feel kind of dirty. He glanced over to Allura who sat with unnerving stillness, just staring blankly forward. Without warning she ripped a small blade from her boot and plunged it into her thigh down to the hilt, still staring ahead with the same dead eyed look except now tears streamed from her eyes. Letting out screams of shock, Shiro and Hunk dived at Allura pinning her down before she could drag the bade any further. 

A red hue. Blood, blood everywhere. She could feel it coating her flesh like a sticky second skin. She could feel the suffocating weight of inadequacy and isolation washing over her like an icy blanket. Panic came with it, clawing its way up her throat. She tried to scream but her mouth was filed with blood Flashes of flesh being cut apart by a dirty penknife filled her head as she could hear the screams of people echoing up from the background. She could feel the burning pain from a hand being wrapped around her own, guiding her hand to the blade in her boot. The same words flashing over and over again in her head: open it up, shed your flesh.

“Coran get a healing pad! Quickly!” Shiro shouted as he struggled to keep Allura pinned. It was amazing how inhumanly strong she actually was, but he had to remind himself she wasn’t human.

Keith tried to grab the head band from Allura’s head, but she thrashed too violently. Eventually he managed to grab it off her, pulling a little bit of hair away with it making Allura pass out on the floor. Coran knelt beside the collapsed princess and ripped her dress enough to get at the wound. He pulled the blade out and quickly stuck on the healing pad.

Hunk stood and turned to look at Lance who stood frozen in place, a hand over his mouth and tear marks streaking his cheeks. Keith wasted no time in crossing the room and grabbing the taller boy by his collar, pulling him down and towards him.

“What the hell was that?” Keith demanded he could feel Lance shaking under his grip.

“I-I don’t know” Lances voice was barely more than a whisper as he squeezed his eyes shut.

“Bullshit! Bullshit!” Keith shouted, he was filled with so many questions, so much worry and he was scared but as usual it just came out as aggression and anger.

“I told you, I don’t know!” Lance practically screamed.

Smacking the red paladin’s hand away from his friend, Hunk wrapped Lance into a bear hug and as he threw him over his shoulder, he walked out of the room. They were standing in an awkward silence when Hunk finally came back into the room and threw himself into the corner of the sofa.

“Um…” Shiro pressed his palms into his eye sockets, he was so underqualified and under paid for this, “I literally have no idea what that was. Was that from Lance? Was it a malfunction? Come on people speak to me.”

Pidge and Coran looked at the headbands for a moment before shaking their heads, “It wasn’t a malfunction as far as I can tell.”

“It wasn’t a malfunction.” Hunk said, his voice was heavy and tried and t was obvious there was something incredibly heavy that was going to be said.

“What do you mean, how can you be so sure?” Pidge frowned.

Hunk looked at the rest of the team and realized that he had said it out loud and clamped a hand over his mouth, “I mean, um, it might have been but I’m going to go check on Lance.”

With that Hunk hurried out the room.

“Coran?” Shiro started, “What should we do with Allura?”

Before Coran had a chance to respond a loud groan drew their attention as Allura sat up.

 

“Are you alright Princess?” Coran was immediately at her side.

“Yes, but where is Lance?” 

“Hunk took him to his room.” Shiro said.

“I don’t like this, something is very wrong.” Allura struggled to her feet limping slightly, “Take me too him.”

Coran and Shiro shared a look.

“Are you sure? I don’t think you are in a fit state-” 

“Don’t worry about me!” Allura snapped, “I’m sorry, this is bigger than we realized.”

With Shiro on one side and Coran, Allura limped down the corridor towards Lances door. Hunk stood in the hall, tears flowing freely down his face.

“I can’t get the door open.” He sobbed, “He’s in there alone!”

“Don’t panic Hunk, we will get to him.” Allura turned to Coran, “Coran, open the door to Lances room by force if you need to.”

“Of course princess.” Coran nodded as he prised off the control casing.

A few moments later, the door was open and Allura strode in with an intense presence. She took in the state of the room and the smashed mirror on the floor without a word and knocked on the door to the bathroom.

“I’m coming in Lance.”

There was no reply so Allura went in anyway. Lance sat on the floor of the shower fully dressed, head down so his hair covered his face. He didn’t respond, he didn’t see to be aware of anyone in the room. Allura put her hand through the water to turn it off and hissed as the freezing cold water hit her skin. 

“Lance?” Allura knelt by the blue paladin and put her hand on his shoulder expecting a flinch or to be shrugged off but he still didn’t move.

“Hunk, Shiro! Help me get him out.” She shouted through the corridor.

Hunk grabbed under his arms while Shiro gabbed his legs, they pulled him out of the bathroom and laid him still soaking wet on the bed. His eyes were rolled back, and he wasn’t lucid, but his lips seemed to murmur something indistinguishable.

“Whats wrong with him?” Shiro asked in shock, he had never seen something like that before.

“I’m not sure. We need to take him to the medical bay so I can run some tests.” Coran let out a hum of thought.

***

Coran looked up from the console with a frustrated look on his face, “This can’t be right. This says that Lance has almost toxic levels of quintessence in him for a human.”

“How is this possible?” Allura said shocked.

“Wait hold up,” Hunk said panicked, “I need a little explaining please, what does that mean?”

“It’s not good number two, I’ve never seen this on a human before, but I can imagine.”

“Okay but how did this happen?” Shiro asked with a fake calmness.

Coran swivelled around the monitor to show the team a scam of Lances body, “It seems to be concentrated from this weird burn print on his arm in the shape of a handprint. Does anyone remember this?”

They all looked at each other at a loss, guilt settling into each of them. the fact that one of their team could have got injured without any of them noticing was unacceptable. All except Hunk who looked at the screen and then back at his friends’ arm.

“I saw it a little while after he got out of the healing pod when that guy in the mask attacked him. He mentioned a druid grabbed him.” Hunk slapped himself on the forehead, “Ugh, I should have checked when I saw it.”

“Youre are not to blame number two. I should have noticed when I put him in the pod. But we can’t think about that now, we must focus of trying to fix this.”

“What are we going to do?” Keith lent against the doorway of the medical bay; his eyes full of fire.

“My best bet is the Entarians of Tirizar, their healers specialise in Quintessence manipulation in living beings. Next to the Alteans healers they were the best.” Coran frowned, “That was ten thousand years ago though.”

“Well what are we waiting for? Let’s go to Tirizar.”


End file.
